No Surgery Once again, Unbelievable

Well, I just can't believe that I am here saying that I did not have surgery once again. Unbelievable.

I went to the Cleveland Clinic Surgical Center, not a hospital, to have surgery for the port to be put in on Thursday.

Everything went as planned and soon I was being shaken awake on the surgical table with at least one person yelling at me,

"We didn't do the surgery, we didn't do the surgery."

That was what I was hearing as I was trying to come to with people shaking my body back and forth right there in the surgery room.

Can you believe that I wasn't even that surprised! I remember thinking something like, "that figures". All I wanted to know right away was if they had actually cut into me or not. I was trying to look at the drawing they had placed on my body before the surgery. I couldn't see it well and my mind was checking for pain there. I didn't feel any pain.

I said, "Well at least you didn't cut into me.", in a not so pleasant voice. Did they wonder why I wasn't surprised? Why hadn't I asked why not or what was going on? No, I just wanted to know how much was blundered.

To be honest, they didn't blunder anything. The machine broke. They kept telling me that after they told me they didn't do the surgery, even though I hadn't asked why. I really didn't care. I just kept thinking it figures.

This time I was actually being wakened from surgery being told they weren't doing it. Lord have mercy on me. I was so upset I was speechless. Yes, I was. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear anything or talk to anyone. I was so fed up, I was done for. One too many times. Anyone who knows me would know I was very upset if I didn't even want to talk.

Then I heard my sister and the nurses talking about when this could be rescheduled and they started saying things like they didn't know until the machine was fixed and they didn't know when that would be. They would have to call me and let me know.

I laid there and I thought, I'm not putting up with this crap anymore. I'm not going to go home and wonder all the time when they can conveniently schedule me for another surgery again. When ever in the world that would be. We all have plans. It's Christmas!

This has been horrible enough as it is. My sister has given up so much and done so much for me to do this. Everything I have gone through, she has gone through too!! She had to wait four hours for me to not have surgery just this time.

They spent as long or longer to try and do the surgery as if they had done the surgery. All that time I'm out and she's waiting again. I thought at least she hadn't waited so long since they didn't do it, but she had waited even longer. Lord. They hadn't put me under quite as fully, I think, because I came out of it much faster, this time. I think they told me that, but they told me stuff while I was still out of it.

So, here I am doing everything at least twice. Every single freakin thing. I'm getting burned out. I really am. I'm trying to keep it together but it's getting harder and harder. I do think that since it's the holidays and we are all trying to get the holiday thing done, too in the mist of all this, well why does it have to all be done twice??? It's just too much. My poor sister. She's trying to do everything too on top of all this. She is having to do everything twice too! What do they want from us? I know machines break. I know the anesthesiologist has the right to cancel surgery. I know I had to have a second lumpectomy. I do not understand at all why I was told I did not have cancer in the very first place, I never will. My logic self is there, but it's getting harder and harder to access all the time.

So I asked my sister if it would be alright to schedule it at the main campus at the hospital. She was fine with it. She's great. We are both fed up with all this.

My next attempt at this is Monday. Please wish me well and success. Thanks.

I'm going to try and have the holiday spirit the rest of they day. I'm taking my sister, her husband and my mom out to dinner tonight to thank them all for all they have done for me. It's the least I can do. The very least.

I am working on my large drawing today no matter what. I have to. It will make me feel much better. Without doing art, I begin to feel very depressed even under normal circumstances. I must draw or work on a project somehow.

This is a largish drawing that I want to take photos of in process and show here. I am planning on hanging it in the Medina Art League Aquarius Show in Feb if I get it done. I'm only just finally getting it down on paper. There was so much pre-planning I had to do in my head before it even got to this stage. Non artists would never know about this stage and many other artists skip this stage, they just start right out painting or drawing. I can't work that way very well. I have to think it in my head for quite some time before it even starts to get to paper. I have to work out a lot of problems and solutions before I get there. I'll show and talk about those, now that I'm going to be all done with surgeries right soon. :)