Great Surgery

Well this is the day after Thanks Giving. Everything went so great it's unbelievable. I'm so happy I'm ecstatic.

First right to the greatest news of all: I don't have any cancer in my lymph nodes!

Isn't that fantastic? The way the surgeon had been implying, I was so sure that not only was there cancer in the lymph nodes, but that it was going to be a lot in a lot.

I have none! I still am having a bit of a hard time understanding it to be truthful.

When I came out of surgery the first thing I said was,"That was fast."

How would I know, I don't know? But it was fast because they didn't have to remove as many lymph nodes as they had thought they would. It only took about an hour instead of an hour and a half as I understood it.

I kept trying to ask questions through my drugs and surrounds fluttering in and out of my eyes.

There was the nurse sitting right there beside me at the computer just as before I had gone in. Well I had a lot of questions for her.

"How did it go?" I asked as if I hadn't even been asleep out of this world for some time.

"Oh it was great. You have no cancer in your lymph nodes." she said almost casually still looking at the computer as far as I could tell.

What the heck??? Did she really just say that? Did she really just say that to me? The most wonderful thing in the world and so casually like she was saying good morning? I must have been dreaming for sure. I'm not awake yet. What did she just say for real? I mean really.

"What? What do you mean?" I was trying to wake up and be clear and know what she was really saying. "What did you say?"

"You don't have any cancer in any of your lymph nodes."

"Not in any of them? None of them? None of the cancer spread?"

"No."

"I know I'm being a pain, but you mean I don't have a drain or cancer there. I don't have a drain even?"

I was trying to feel my under arm and what had happened there. I could tell right away the breast had been dealt with. There was pain there for sure, but something very strange was going on with my arm pit. There was no pain. Nothing. I felt nothing there.

I had expected to feel most of the pain there in fact. I had expected to feel things there and puffiness and something, a drain, under my arm. I had expected to deal with my under arm far more than my breast.

I felt nothing there right now. Could this be real?

"I don't understand. I'm sorry." I was really confused but I had to know right then.

"I was told the cancer was 'invasive' so then where did it go?".

I was laying there just minutes after surgery with the one thing I didn't want. I was wondering if I should have had a mastectomy. It was only mins and I hadn't even woken all the way. How could I be thinking that? If it's not in the lymph nodes then where the heck is it. Is it all in my breast then?

"If it's out of the duct then does that mean it's all over my breast now or does that mean the Dr. got it all out of my body with the tumor?"

I don't think she really answered that one. I don't know cause I was very confused and elated at the same time. I knew I had made the right choice and still think that, but I was very confused.

I also was on a very big high that lasted that whole day, the next day and just now is starting to come back to reality a bit. I think. I mean a BIG high. I was dancing and singing and talking like I was high...which I was a bit on drugs, but I was high on great news too.



It was a great day going there to the hospital. I was nervous and my sister told me I talked all the way there. It's a bit more of a drive to get to this hospital than going to the satellite hospital, but I will never have any more surgeries there, God help me if I have to any more.

It was very nice that day in the beginning. It was sunny and pretty driving into Cleveland. You could see the clouds coming in from the lake as my sister pointed out. There is so much lake effect here, something I have never heard of before I lived here, but is quite famous and known to anyone on the east coast.

We got there and right away my sister says, " This is where you had your legs operated on. This is exactly the place. I remember this place."

She started to go on with more info about this and I snapped, "Don't remind me of any of my other surgeries. I don't want to think of any of them. None of them. I told you."

I got very nervous right away. The first leg surgery was the one in which I was not out all the way and I could hear people talking to me and telling me to keep breathing. I could hear them talking to each other and all kinds of things. I could feel that pipe in my throat and them trying to push it more or something. It was horrible to be truthful. I was a nervous wreck for the following surgery because of that. Now they have to put some kind of thing on my forehead to monitor my brain waves and make sure I'm really out.

"I guess I'll have to tell them about not being all the way out once again, but don't talk about any of it or them. I don't want to think about any of them right now. None of it." I was very touchy. I didn't want to be touchy but I was. You'd think with all my experience I would be good at it, but it's always new and different.

I didn't remember this place at all. I guess I block them out or something. My sister sure did though. She's always there for me and she has a totally different experience of things.

They took me back really fast. We hugged more than a few times. I didn't want her waiting there not knowing if I was having surgery or not. It's stressful. But here, they wouldn't let her or anyone come back with me.

It was very crowded and very "hospitally" there. Very different than the other place. I felt more comfortable. I felt like this was the right place to be for me. Most people I think would feel the other way around, but with so many things going on with me I really felt like I was in good hands.

The anesthesiologist came in. She was a really nice woman with all white hair. My older sister has all white hair. I think that made me feel good. She spoke softly and looked straight at me right off. She already knew lots of stuff and was right on top of everything. She still asked me a ton of questions. She said every thing was fine and surgery was a go. I asked if someone would go out and tell my sister that so she wouldn't have to wait for colors to change on the computer board in the waiting room and all. They were great and someone did go and tell her. She told me later that it was a good thing to hear like that.

The surgeon came in and she was happy. She said she was worried about the eye. I had been told all this stuff about how they were going to put special meds and eye pad on my eye and etc etc. That I was to put my own med in my eye right before surgery. It was a really big deal. The redness that I was worried about on my breast was never even mention. Who knows, not me for sure.

I was so happy and the surgeon was so happy that surgery was a go, I put my hand up and gave her a high five. Surgery was on. She looked a little strange at first and realized what I was doing and she smiled and put her hand up and we did a high five. Now I have to say, I have never done a high five with a surgeon before.

In the surgery room she held my arm and we talked. I was talking up a storm. I guess I really am a talker. I was talking to everyone. I remember saying something to the surgeon and then I told her I didn't even know why I asked her that because she didn't answer me. But then I told her I was glad she was there and holding my arm.

Then they told me they were going to give me something that would really make me feel good and then I would be out. I was out before I knew I felt good.

The day after surgery I was feeling so good and my surgery sites felt so good, I asked my sister to help me take photos of them. Yep I did. I told her I was scrapbooking all this and that is very acceptable to everyone. They can get their heads around that easily. So I have some pretty interesting photos of this.

Right away in the hospital I wanted to see my breast. The nurse started to grab my hand to stop me but I was too fast. I wasn't freaked out at all. I've seen too many surgery sites on me I guess.

I had already known there would be blue dye markings of some kind there. Sure was. Very colorful. There was the long reddish line of the surgery and the blue. It was puckery around the where they had glued it together. They didn't use stitches, they supper glued me together. It's pretty cool. It will heal much better. No poke -a -dots to go away.

Being an artist, the first thing I thought was it would make a really pretty water color painting. I swear to God that is what I thought.

We took several pictures and then my sister told me, "Don't you dare let me forget to down load these photos before we leave for Thanks Giving."

"Ok, I won't. That would be terrible. These are just between us and what I decide to do with them."

When I drove home the next day and walked through the door, I ran to the phone.

"Lyn, Lyn, we forgot to down load the photos. Don't take the camera without getting rid of those photos!!!"

I was terrified. Thanks Giving was going to be with a one year old boy, two four year old girls and an eight year old girl. They always use the camera and want to see the photos that have been taken. They pick up the electronic items and use them more than the adults. One of them could go through those photos in a second and see the old photos in a snap. Now that would be horrible.

My sister took good care of that. All was safe.

I am wondering if I will put them here or not. There is a big part of me that wants to only because I am being very straight forward here and very open about everything. Also because it might be informative for some people.

It might also be too much. I have to really think about this one. I'm going to take photos of the stages for a record and I can decide later. I may just post some drawings or paintings...or nothing. I'm just not sure yet how private or public I'm going to go with all this.

For some reason people show their surgery scars. I don't want it to be like that. If I do it, it will be for more informative reasons and/or artistic reasons. Not sure yet and I'm not going to just jump into that one.


So I really enjoyed Thanks Giving by myself. I was so happy that the cancer had not spread into my lymph nodes that I didn't mind being home by myself one bit. I watched t.v. and was so thankful all day more than I have ever been in my whole entire life.

I am so thankful this Thanks Giving I am almost speechless.

I want to give thanks to all my friends and all their support. All their prayers. All their love.

Thanks to all my family for all their support and love and prayers.

I feel so loved and cared for.

Thank you every one.